Networking for Success: The 3 Phases of Small Talk

If you've never networked before, or if it's been a while since you last attended a networking event, what do you say to people? What topics are appropriate? What should the duration of the conversation be?

The short answer is that there are three phases to small talk. Depending on where professionals in their career development are in terms of their professional stature, they will want to shorten the length of conversations based on which phase they're operating in. This post will help guide you through those three phases.

1) The Introductory Phase: In this phase, your goal is mainly just to make contact and build rapport with as many people as possible as quickly as possible. I call this "Small Talk Lite," because there are no demands on your time and energy. The goal is to move on to the next conversation as quickly as possible, so booth staffers can move you around to other people.

Because the objective is to have a very small amount of interaction with each person you meet, your goal is simply to make an initial introduction, exchange names, and leave it at that. There's nothing wrong with saying something as simple as "I'm Michael Port; nice to meet you!" or "Nice meeting you!" and moving on.

The following line of questioning, or "re-framing" as I call it, is usually enough to get the ball rolling.  "What do you do?" "Where are you from?" "What's your job title/position/title at this company?"

 2) The Motivational Phase: In this phase, your goal is to deepen interpersonal relationships. It is when topics are more personal and a bit more probing. More people will join conversations and be more interested in what you have to say. The goal is to practice the art of small talk gracefully, which means that you need to get comfortable with asking questions about interests and having more-meaningful conversations about them. 

It can be a bit awkward to transition from the initial phase to this one. It's much easier if you have some already in place. For instance, saying "tell me about yourself" or "what do you do when we're not talking?" or "what do you like most about working at this company?"

3) The Strategic Phase: In this phase, the conversation is more focused on career development and goal-setting, and you are able to make more concrete plans based on where people are in formation and what stage of their careers they're at as a result. The goal is for people to make informed decisions about whether or not to work with you again.

In this phase, you need to be able to ask intelligent questions about people's careers and make concrete plans for the future. What are their goals? What kind of work environment do they want? Are they happy where they are now? For instance, "How have you been able to move up in your role at this company?" or "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I think it's important when networking to keep the conversation rolling smoothly. Try to keep reframes (questions) coming, but use shorter ones toward the beginning or middle of the conversation.

Small Talk Lite is useful when you first meet someone, but can get a bit awkward as conversations get longer and more personal. The Introduction Phase is ideal for making first contacts and building confidence. The Motivational Phase is ideal for developing personal relationships, using reframes (questions) to get conversations going, and getting people to talk about their goals. The Strategic Phase is ideal for getting people to buy into your vision of the future of your company and professionally.

I have experienced each of these phases in my own professional career, and I find that the longer I stay in any phase, the more comfortable I feel there. When I am focused on moving from one phase to another, my conversation tends to flow smoothly.

If you're very uncomfortable in any phase, try to shift your conversation to something else; if you stay in that phase too long, it tends to feel awkward.

If you're not sure what phase you're operating in, check the cues of people around you. If they seem more interested in what your saying and willing to talk about their goals, it's safe to say that you're in the motivational phase; if they don't seem like they're interested, then it's time to move on.  

Although each of these three phases is relatively short, small talk can still feel overwhelming because there are a lot of people present and accepting new contacts is natural for everyone when first starting out.

Conclusion:

So instead of merely surviving networking events, the goal is to grow the length and quality of your interactions. In this post, I have shown you how to do that by demonstrating the three phases of small talk.

If you first master Small Talk Lite and then move smoothly into the motivational phase, you will be able to build strong relationships at each event. That will give you more opportunities for leveraging them into a powerful network of contacts who can help further your career progression.